Not Mine Not Yours

For the boheme inclined…


This goes for all the men who too have suffered at the hands of another. Sadly the majority who have experienced this are women, however I want to acknowledge the men who also identify with similar experiences.


It’s taken me a while to find the right words around this movement. For to me this is not just a social awareness campaign, it’s an active part of my healing. And I hope it is for many men and women around the world who are finding the courage and vulnerability to add their voice.

For many years I denied the shame I felt. I pushed it away I numbed it away and refused to look, to allow it a voice. I started sharing with those close to me from the time I first remembered it. What I didn’t understand back then was that there are many layers to uncover and it can’t all be done in a single conversation, a day, a week, even a year. So I thought that because I had shared it at the time with my family and close friends that it was healed. That I had moved passed it. I hadn’t. I had simply dealt with as much as what I had the capacity to at the time.

The health journey I have been on for the past 18+mths has been a deeper level uncovering itself, begging for light to be cast upon it. Presenting the opportunity to heal the deepest held layers of trauma. What has also presented itself for healing is all the diversions I threw upon the original trauma subconsciously in an effort to deny there was still work to be done. Some of those diversions compounded the shame, the fear of humiliation, the unmet guilt and denial, the self deprecation and spiral of negative self talk.

Too many people I know have had a similar experience.

Shame is one human emotion we all struggle to deal with, regardless of the cause of the shame, this movement gives us an opportunity to create a discourse around that dark and shadowy human emotion.

It’s no coincidence that late last week I came across Brene Brown’s work. She is a researcher on this specific subject – shame. I listened to a powerful conversation she had with Oprah on her SuperSoul Sundays podcast and one thing that struck me deeply was the point that her research had showed that shame cannot withstand empathy.

Shame cannot survive empathy. Think on that for a moment. For someone to show us empathy we must first make ourselves vulnerable and share the source of our shame with another. We must discern carefully with whom we share that vulnerability with especially when we are still bleeding from that pain. We must trust that the person we share with will have the capacity to empathize instead of colonize, sympathize or worse, dishonour or ignore our vulnerability.

It was this point that gave me pause in rushing in to add my post. I didn’t want to only copy paste a blurb on social media that scratched the surface. I honour those that chose that path, don’t get me wrong, for some that is the level that they can work with right now and that is perfect. My hope and intent is simply to share some of the hard earned wisdom I have gained through my experience. I also acknowledge the beauty of digital media gives us all the choice of whether to read it at all, engage or not or simply scroll past.

So for those of you who are still finding the courage to share your story or simply put your #metoo in the ring, those discerning the right people or place or forum to share it with or just struggling with the base emotions an experience like this generates, I want you to know that I honour your path. I witness you and I truly can empathize with the effects such an experience can have. I share my vulnerability from a place of empowerment and the ability to hold space for myself regardless of what someone may or may not be able to empathize with. I hold the rim of my container with a fierce love for myself and my journey for it has made me the woman I am today. And I’m proud of her. I celebrate her and I wish for each and every person walking this earth to have the privilege of meeting their own fears and pain with strength and humility because on the other side of that shitstorm is an unshakable knowing that each of us are a divine, deeply loved piece of a benevolent universe that is always working on our behalf.

I invite you today to find a deeper level of love for your self than you have discovered up til this point. I encourage you to then find a deeper level of love for your fellow humans and get vulnerable, allow yourself to be seen (with discernment!) and allow your deepest shadows to be healed. Find a way to forgive yourself. You deserve that forgiveness and love regardless of what you have or haven’t done. These are extraordinary times we live in. And for no small reason.

And should any one reading this ever need an ear they can trust to talk through something – please reach out, I’m here and I will never dishonour disregard or disempower you. I believe that none of us are broken, none of us need fixing for we are the divine incarnate, we are all simply put – on our way home to the awareness that we are one, we are whole and are in the process of experiencing ourselves as the god consciousness that we are!



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